This is not the first time I've been at the point where I've made that statement. It's not even the first time that I've said so publicly.
I've had phases of regular writing and publishing before. And when I did, it always felt great. But somehow I've never gotten to the point where I stuck with a writing rhythm.
That rhythm is what I want to experience again. A meta feeling of flow that lasts not just in the moment.
And so, once again, I'm committing to writing (and publishing) more.
Why I've failed in the past
I've identified two reasons that have kept me from doing so in the past. Both sound sort of ridiculous when I write them out like this. But I guess that's the point.
I've been plagued by premature perfectionism - thinking that I would only want to publish something highly polished and because I knew I wouldn't have the time to do that, I didn't even start.
I've also had the fear that my writing would be too random. I have many ideas that span a great range of topics. And somehow, not having a pre-defined thread in mind that would weave them together has kept me from writing anything at all.
As I said, it sounds ridiculous.
Why I want to write more
“How do I know what I think until I see what I say?”
I always loved this quote as it very much captures how I feel. I've long ago noticed that I think by speaking.
But I've also noticed that writing creates a similar process.
And even better - it forces me to truly observe my thoughts on paper: Play with them, sharpen them, find the holes, and through all of that, have better and clearer thoughts.
In short - I want writing to help me focus.
Oh, and it would also be nice to let people participate in my thinking and start conversations!
Why it's going to be different this time
Well, it might be a bit presumptuous to claim things are going to be different this time. But oh well, nothing wrong with making some bold statements.
For one, I just acknowledged what has been keeping me back. And as I've learned from many other areas - that scary monster tends to disappear once you turn the lights on.
More importantly, I've recently started to adopt a new bias for action in my life. Instead of endlessly thinking and planning things, I am focusing more on doing. Sitting down and publishing this is exactly one of those actions.
Everything in me wanted to plan this post out first, re-read and edit it a few times. And then it'd probably have ended up on the digital stack of unfinished drafts.
So, here goes!